Yesterday I had to stop by to pick up my dry cleaning on my way home from work. As I walked back to my car, dry-cleaning in hand, wearing my favorite gray slacks and my heals clicking authoritatively on the pavement - I caught myself thinking "look at me, all grown up."
I suppose by most standards I have been grown up for some time now. I has been over four years since I graduated from college, I have served a mission, fallen in love and experienced heart break. I have my own snug little apartment, and a full time job at Penn State University. Despite all of that, from time to time I am quite surprised that I am grown up. I don't know that surprised is quite the right word - it is a more a feeling that I am just pretending to be grown up. Sometimes my array of slacks, skirts, sweaters and other professional clothing are just costumes and activities such as picking up dry cleaning, navigating rush hour traffic, and sitting in stuffy committee meetings are just parts that I play in the grand masquerade of pretending to be grown up.
Sometimes I look around me and wonder what it is like for everyone else to be grown up. I looked across the conference room table at the middle aged woman sitting there. Maybe she could see right through me and knew that I stayed up way too late the night before watching a movie with my best friend, all snuggled up in blankets because we were too cheap to turn the heat up. Maybe she wonders why on earth a Dean appointed a kid to chair the committee. Or maybe she is just as surprised to be grown up as I am.
I wonder if I will ever get used to being grown up or if some day I will find myself holding my first grandchild thinking "look at me, all grown up"
Thursday, January 5, 2012
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